Currently Reading Bitten (Women of the Otherworld) By Kelley Armstrong see related

Missing the past personalities...

Sometimes I realize that I miss certain people.  And then I make an effort to restore an old friendship that just didn't make it before and realize that it can't be the same way.  1.  Because that friend won't let it be the same as it was before.  Example of this: even though we may have the same interests, the other person refuses to talk about them, no matter how often I bring that topic up.  Unfortunate.  2.  That friend has changed.  So now there's no way that we can be the same friends as before.  3.  I've changed and I want to move on and build a new friendship in addition to renewing the old one.  But that's not possible.  And 4.  That friend doesn't want to put any effort into a new friendship with me.  Why?  I don't know, many reasons I'm sure.  Perhaps I'm boring now, perhaps I was a bitch then, perhaps I've changed too much, perhaps they don't like to try at anything.  Who knows.  But this wanting to restore or restart those old friendships, it really sucks, because every time it never works out.  I can't be friends with those people and they can't be friends with me.  It just will not work out no matter and then I end up feeling horrible about it.  As if it's all my fault that I couldn't make this friendship work out when perhaps, in reality, there never really was one.  I need to get over the need to try to reach out to people that I used to care about and want to be around.  It just doesn't work out.  And I hate feeling like a failure because I'm not good enough for them.  That's not the truth, I am more than good enough for them, probably too good for them, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel as if they think I'm nothing and don't want to take the time out to get to know me now.  Not then.  Maybe I want too much from people.  Or maybe I think people should be more understanding than what they really are.  I guess I don't really know and should let it go.  Maybe this time I can.

Currently Reading Animal Instincts By Gena Showalter see related

This next year, I'm going to be so busy.

I want to go home one weekend before school ends and I want my mom to be home when I go there.  Feeling slightly overwhelmed at the moment because by the end of this month I could potentially have three jobs, and I only want two at the very most.  So two jobs over the summer and this next school year, classes this summer and this next school year.  Man, I am going to be busy.  I don't mind being busy, but that means that another year will go by where I won't have time for much of anything else in my life.  Friends for sure, but not anything romantic.  Although that's fine.  Casually dating is nice, and I'm not ready for a super duper long term commitment where in a year or two engagement bells are going off.  No, although, I could go for dating someone, in a casual manner, but exclusively.  I know, that will be pretty much impossible to find, so thus I really won't be dating, unless it's one or two dates here and there.  We shall what the Future has in store for us.